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20 Jul 2005

Residual dreams
Dear CS

I am divorced for 4 years from a man who lied and cheated on me. We were married for 6 years and together for 11 years. He caused me a lot of hurt and dissappointment, and as a result I do not trust men and do not want to be involved again. At times I dream at night of him while sleeping. In these dreams we are together, or he wants me to come back, sometimes pleading, other times lukewarm in his efforts to win my affection back. Most of the time I am ambivalent, neither agreeing nor disagreeing to reunion with my mind not made up. In one of the dreams we even had a baby together. (We have a young son born while we were married). The baby dream is riduculous as he has had a vasectomy. If a love song is on the radio, I think of him or if I see a couple together, I think of him. For long time I really hated him and was very sad and hurt. I did receive counselling after the divorce and went on a "divorce care" support group/workshop afterwards. Please, how can I bury this ghost. He is involved with someone else, and is bad news for me, as I don't want him back. Also he has not indicated he wants me back
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dreams are ALWAYS a mixture of random and irrelevant elements ( like the temporary electronic patterns in your computer when you run a Defrag program ) with fragments of memories, accurate or more often distorted, and aspects of wishes or fantasies. They are not realistic, and don't represent the future. Dreaming about your ex isn't unusual, and doesn't mean that you WANT to have him back, but that at some level you are thinking about what it might have been like had he not had all the failings he did have.
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