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28 Nov 2004

ROMANTIC FEELINGS FOR THE WRONG PERSON
Hi, i have romantic feelings for the wrong person.
He's the wrong person for the following reasons :
he's already involved with someone else and he's much older.

First it started off as a little crush, which grew into a stronger crush, and then into i'm unsure what... but its much stronger now.
Initially it was just a physical attraction, which eventually grew into something deeper. I feel a connection with him on a deeper level that i can't explain.

all i know is that i need to get over him, and soon at that, but dont know how. I feel he is taking over my life, cos i can't stop thinking about him. Please help, this has been going on for 18 months.

Confused
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Hello C,
That he's already involved with someone else is enough of a good reason to consider him the wrong person. And you're right to classify this as "having romatic feelings", rather than "being in love" --- I believe we have more responsibility and control over the development from the first to the second, stage, than most people assume.
Crush, yes. And when it sounds mainly one-sided, this :connection at so deep a level I can't explain" is often a reflection of how much you want such a connection, than a sign that one actually exists. Like a good phone-line, a connection implies free two-way communication. You CAN stop thinking about him, but so far haven't chosen to stop, maybe because the thinking is too pleasant, and emotionally satisfying, even if your head says that this is not wise. As Conn says, it's probably best to walk away, and as KK says, go out and get busy and occupy yourself with useful and non-romantic activities.
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