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16 Jan 2004

Hi. iam very sad. this weekend is my 21st birthday. my mother has cancer, my dad is overbearing and iam a mess. a 21st birthday should be a happy occasion, but not mine. we have no money to have a huge party, not my parents any way. so i paid for all of it myself. i dont know if iam being selfish or if its just not fair, but its bothering me.ive been crying the whole day and i guess i just need to put my mind at ease.

Thank you.
Answer 399 views

01 Jan 0001

Berry, I'm sure before long you'll realize that one doesn't need money and a "huge party" to have a happy 21st birthday, or any other birthday. Talk to dad who probably doesn't intend to be overbearing, and surely the two of you can work that out ( and it's your task to work on this, not only his ). And your mother is dealing with Cancer, for Pete's sake --- I hope you've done nothing to make her feel bad because she didn't throw you some enormous show-off affair for your birthday --- that she's still here, and loves you, is a large gift, already.
If you can afford to pay, by yourself, for a "huge party" you must be far luckier financially than most other 21 year-olds.
Actually, the party is irrelevant, and people who throw "huge" ones are showing off their insecurity and lack of good sense. What's more important, if you take anything about a 21st seriously, is the issue of acknowledging that you have become an adult, with the responsibility of behaving like an adult, towards yourself and towards others.
So dry those self-indulgent tears ( party or no party is a really tiny issue in the great scheme of things ) ; have a happy birthday and welcome to the adult world of facing reality and making the best of it.
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