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Question

16 Jan 2004

Sad
Hi. iam very sad. this weekend is my 21st birthday. my mother has cancer, my dad is overbearing and iam a mess. a 21st birthday should be a happy occasion, but not mine. we have no money to have a huge party, not my parents any way. so i paid for all of it myself. i dont know if iam being selfish or if its just not fair, but its bothering me.ive been crying the whole day and i guess i just need to put my mind at ease.

Thank you.
Answer 399 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Berry, I'm sure before long you'll realize that one doesn't need money and a "huge party" to have a happy 21st birthday, or any other birthday. Talk to dad who probably doesn't intend to be overbearing, and surely the two of you can work that out ( and it's your task to work on this, not only his ). And your mother is dealing with Cancer, for Pete's sake --- I hope you've done nothing to make her feel bad because she didn't throw you some enormous show-off affair for your birthday --- that she's still here, and loves you, is a large gift, already.
If you can afford to pay, by yourself, for a "huge party" you must be far luckier financially than most other 21 year-olds.
Actually, the party is irrelevant, and people who throw "huge" ones are showing off their insecurity and lack of good sense. What's more important, if you take anything about a 21st seriously, is the issue of acknowledging that you have become an adult, with the responsibility of behaving like an adult, towards yourself and towards others.
So dry those self-indulgent tears ( party or no party is a really tiny issue in the great scheme of things ) ; have a happy birthday and welcome to the adult world of facing reality and making the best of it.
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