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20 Jul 2005

Says he loves you then leaves you for someone else
Hi,

I've been seeing this wonderful guy for a year now. The problem is that i'm very insecure about us. He tells me he loves me, i know he does and says he wants to marry me one day. I'm trying to figure out why i feel the way i do. I think i'm scared of history repeating itself again. About 6 years ago i broke up with a guy i was seeing for almost 3 years, he was my first love. One day he loved me and the next week he had a new girlfriend. I really thought he loved me and it was very hard for me to get over it cause those three words i always say that you should never say them if you don't really mean it. I really value those words. I'm scared that my boyfriend who says he loves me is suddenly also going to leave me for someone else just like that. My boyfriend knows that i feel insecure and has tried to help but it is me that is the problem. A friend suggested i go see someone and my boyfriend said that if i want him to go with, he will. Has someone ever been through something like this and how do you over come this fear?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Sounds like you are indeed over-generalizing from your previous experience to this present one. And before, you say that YOU broke up with the guy --- but then got very upset when he rapidly found a new friend, as if your real hurt is that he wasn't obviously devastated when YOU chose to break up with him. Think about that one. Your last bf DID NOT ( according to your story ) leave you for someone else --- you left him, and he found consoltation with someone else.
Why not accept your pal's suggestion, and see someone for some counselling, and have your bf join you, as he has seisibly volunteered to do ?
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