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27 Jul 2010

Scared and Alone
Hi all

I''ve just filed for divorce this morning and I don''t know where to from here. I''ve been married for six years to someone I love with all my heart. He''s a good hearted person but for years I''ve put up with his abuse of alchol and his stealing from me and my family when he has no money for booze. He lies constantly and I am not happy in my marriage, I tried for years to help him but it seems he would rather be the way he is and not better himself.

He stayed with his family last night but they have no room for him. He has no job and I am afraid for him. Where will he go? I don''t want him to land up on the street but he can''t come back home as he got agressive with my mother last night when she confronted him on his behaviour. She will not allow him to come back but I cannot watch him suffer like that.

I can''t concentrate at work today and I am in tears. People are always in and out of my office and I don''t want to share my personal life with them. I would just like some advice on how to deal with this traumatic experience and how I should handle the current situation.

I have no money to see a phsychologist and I''m worried as I am a deppressed person. I have not been able to get medication due to the fact that all my money has to go to supporting the household, especially with my husband out of a job...
Answer 397 views

01 Jan 0001

In some ways, some alcoholics and other substance abusers, and indeed some other disordered folks, almost rely on YOUR difficulty in seeing them suffer, to assume that you will rescue them time and again. I wrote a classic article some years back on "Exactly how many very last chances do you expect ?" Its laudable to want to help, but you can't do it for them.
And sometikes Tough Love is the only potentially helpful reaction - to force them to confront the situation they have created. Unless and until they sincerely become determined to change, they won't do so.
You can't encourage him to take the essential step of taking personal responsibility for his choices, if youi keep on taking the responsibility for him.
Don't be so sensitive to his "suffering" - he's causing suffering for you and your mom, and has probably anaesthetized himself. SADAG ( number on this page ) may be helpful for YOU, in providing a support group to help you through this phase.
AA and AlAnon offer support for the spouses of alcoholics, too, and this may be a useful resource for you.
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