Ask an expert

07 Apr 2006

Scared of relationships- still single- Bipolar
Dear Cybershrink

I would like to hear your opinion on this issue. I am 33 and have never been in a serious relationship with a guy. I have been in therapy for a long time (stopped last year) and I don't think I have any unresolved issues.

I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder(mixed) about 7 years ago. I am well controlled on medication.

I like being with people and have a lot of friends, but all female. Most of my friends are already married. I never bothered me, because being with men "stresses" me out.
I have always felt that men ignore me or don't see me.
Am I invisible? . And on the occasions that people have arranged for me to go out with a guy it never works out- never past a second date. My longest relationship was mostly per telephone for 2 months, when we saw each other again after 2 months it was a lost case.

I am starting to think I am giving off a vibe? But I am also very scared of men. If I have to choose being with a man now or being on my own I would choose alone. Every time in the past that I has a failed attempt it reinforced the idea that I am not good enough.
Please note- I do not go out to meet men: but my friends are always trying to fix me up with someone.
My biggest fear is rejection.

At this stage I am quite happy on my own, in my confort zone. But I love children- an I am already 33. Yes, and sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be like other people. But- would I be able to fall pregnant and have a baby being on medication for Bipolar Disorder? And, I am also concerned about raising a baby having Bipolar.

I would really appreciate your opinion.
Answer 408 views

01 Jan 0001

Hello SG,
Well, with all due respect to your therapist, if you are "stressed out" when you meet men, and bothered by a lack of relationships there, then there were, indeed, unresolved issues. When you encounter men, of course you are not invisible, but you may be effectively self-effacing. And with the major fear of rejection you identify in yourself, people often hesitate to meet men, assuming that there will be a rejection ( though that's much less likely than they habitually think ) and indeed they may become self-sabotaging in their relationships, to break them up before the rejection they assume to be inevitable.
Gneralyl speaking, you should be able to have a child and bring it up well, thogu bipolar, but much would depend on the fine print of the details, so this is something you'd need to discuss with your shrink, who ought to know such details.
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