Ask an expert
Question

23 Jul 2008

Separating my pst from present
Hi CS and everybody, hope you' re all doing well today. I' m in a bit of a sticky situation myself, I need you to help me understand something please, I recently started seeing a very good man and things were going well between us until we met my ex boyfriend. I will quote him, he said he doesn' t understand why a young and good beautiful woman like myself would go out with an older man like that who' s not even good looking, he said that he felt dirty I think I now disgust him,thing is i never lied to him about my past, not that I was a prostitute or anytihng like that, I didn' t go out with this older guy because of money or anything material, it' s one of those unlikely connections that did happen and I couldn' t change that chapter of my life even if I wanted. I only dated one older guy in my life it' s not like I had a string of them, would it make a difference if he saw my younger and cuter ex boyfriends, i' m really failing to understand why he' s judging me based on my past like this, does this mean he probably doesn' t care for me as much as he claims to. My older EX is not the best looking male around but I looked beyond that, I saw a person behind the " ugly"  looks, i don' t even think he' s ugly but this guy talks about him like a weird creature from another planet.

I' m really in total shock, I tried to explain that I never intended to go out with a man that much older than me, but even if I did that was my choice right? I really don' t understand what wrong I did here, it' s like I suddenly have some contageous disease he' s deadly afraid to catch, he refused to see me yesterday, avoided my calls most of the day,he called me later expressing his disgust toward me for having being with my ex, am I missing something here? Does this automatically scratch me the off the dateable list amongs guys my own age? I stayed up all night last night trying to figure out what it is i really did wrong, I cannot change my past even if I wanted, He said that he wonders what kind of a person i reall am, does that really make me a bad person? I never lied about anything...he knows I dated someone older at one stage in my life, he' s also dated older women but claims they were pretty and didn' t look their age? I really don' t want to lose this guy but how do I even begin to convince him that my past is just that, MY past I' m still the same person, i' m generally a happy person, i walk around with a smile every day no matter what circumsatnce but this threw me off, I don' t mind losing but only if the game was fair, this time around I feel cheated because I lost before I even laid eyes on him,my past had already happened when he came into my life. I feel he' s being unreasonable judging me based on the looks, age, race and religion of someone I dated. What do I do now, i feel so helpless i think he' s making a big mistake throwing what we have away because of one silly " mistake"  in the past
Answer 374 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Why on earth do you even listen to the jealous and ignorant opinions of your EX ( who is presumably your ex with good reason ) ? Why consider him important enough to listen to ? Why should you feel you have to jusify yourself to him ? What on earth is so "good" about your ex, who sounds vain and prejudiced ?
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
Results
Yes
33% - 9380 votes
No
67% - 19432 votes
Vote