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05 Mar 2004

Seun 18 jaar - Aggresief HELP MA!
My seun is 18 jaar oud en ek dink hy is 'n bietjie aggresief.
As hy befoeterd is sal hy alles hardhandig gebruik, soos dinge ruk en pluk as hy die deur oopmaak sal hy die deur ruk, as hy koffie maak sal hy so geraas maak en so hardhandig met alles werk sal die lepel op die koppie kap as hy klaar geroer het. As hy byvoorbeeld my help pakkies uit die kar dra sal hy dit so kras neersit ek voel net hy is aggresief en ek is bang as hy ouer word bly dit met hom. Hy doen net alles hardhandig.

1. Hoe hanteer ek hierdie situasie en help hom?

2. Hy en sy pa sit ook al ewig vas en ek is die middelman en probeer die vrede bewaar, wat doen ek?

Baie Dankie vir die advies!

Answer 1,120 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear ma,
OK, frstly, it seems that you're thinking about trying to change this patern of behaviour of your son, rather late ! It's always much easier to influence someone's behaviour when they're younger, and before it's become such an established and practised habit.
I gather from your message that this is a longstanding pattern of his behaviour, rather than something that has changed very recently and suddenly. Maybe more recently it's been increased somewhat by a surge in male hormones which tend to promote aggressiveness, but on the background of patterns of behaviour learned over many years.
Maybe, as you suggest, there could be something bothering him, wich he isn't talking about, but which is iritating him. hat will probably resolve itself, and it's useful to indicate to him that you're not going to pry, but if he has anything worrying him, now or later, you'd like him to feel free to discuss it with you, to see if you can advise or help.
As for the coffe, many men have discovered that it's a brilliant tactic to be clumsy in the kitchen --- that way women rarely ask you to make them a cup of coffee, let alone anything more complicated !
The best solution is probably to choose a good time to sit and talk with him ( as lady nina proposes ) and mention that you notice this pattern of behaviour and find it worrying, and wonder if he might be kind enough to modify it somewhat. Point out that even if he means nothing by acting in this way, it comes across as aggressive and disrespectful, even alarming at times, and especially if this is NOT the impression he wants to give you and others, it'd be worth modifying it.
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