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25 Mar 2003

Sex Revenge
Dear CyberShrink,

My husband and I often argue over the smallest of things. We have conflicting personalities and we cannot seem to get along. He is a hot-tempered perfectionist whereas I am a more laid back creative person. He is extremely dominating and whenever we have an argument he starts yelling at me and insults me terribly.

At first this unsettled me tremendously. I cried and got very sad. Then, after about two years of marriage I got extremely angry whenever he started shouting and started shouting back. This resulted in a separation for 3 months, but we talked it through and decided to try again. However, the arguments, yelling and insults just continued.

Problem now is, that I no longer get sad or angry about our fights. After we had a heated argument, I just go out and have myself some delicious sex with the first gorgeous stranger that comes along. I usually meet these men via the Internet.

Afterwards, I don’t feel guilty about it at all. In stead I actually feel GREAT and very triumphant!
When I go home and he starts going on, I just smile and think of the blissful sex I just had.

This has been going on for about 2 years. He has never found out about it.

I know it must be terribly WRONG, but...... if it is wrong then why does this 'revenge' feel so terribly good... ???
Answer 394 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dacity,
Revenge, contrary to what the moralists want to tell us, is often sweet. For a time. But it is still an unwholesome motivation for one's choices of behaviour. For instance, you may enjoy knowing that you have been unfaithful to him, and that he doesn't know. But, there are, as you well know, serious risks with such relationships --- there are health risks, of AIDS and STD, as no prevention is 100 % efffective. And there are risks because the people who you met may turn out to be monstrously unpleasant, and could wish to do you harm --- not knowing them except by what they choose to reveal over the web ( mainly fiction, in most cases ) you do no have the usual ways to protect yourself, and are actually terribly vulnerable.
And the fact that you have apparently got away with it for 2 years may help you to feel safe and secure in the practice, but actually merely means that nothing has gone awfully wrong--- YET.
If the two of you plan to stay together, wouldn't it be more fruitful to embark on marriage counselling, to sort out these matters ? If you don't really intend to stay together, why stay around while indulging in this risky hobby ?
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