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01 Aug 2007
My daughter is 21 years old. When she was 8, I discovered that my stepfather was molesting her and that it had been happening for 3 or 4 years already. Although she was never penetrated or physically hurt, the emotional damage was just as bad. As an extemely close family, we tackled it head on (I am a single mother and so I'm talking about my brother and sister and their spouses and of course, my Mom). We all had councelling and saw a psychiatrist who specialised in sexual abuse and helping families to cope. My stepfather confessed in full and we decided not to prosecute him or evict him from the family. We were assured that he was not a paediophile but that it had been a random deviancy pertaining only to that specific child (my daughter) and stemmed from issues he had with his own sister who my daughter reminded him of. It was a very hard decision to implement but we managed in the end and we all learned to live with it and around it. My daughter was comfortable with the decision and is well adjusted and even remains fond of my stepfather. Our entire family interacts on a daily basis. My Mother managed to deal with the fact that her husband had molested her most precious grandchild and the marriage still exists and is a happy one. Every now and then I experience extreme rage and have no way of letting it out. I don't want to hurt my Mother or bring back all the sick feelings we had during that time but even though we dealt with it and forgave, I still can't come to terms with the fact that my Mother, who is so wonderful and loving and such a support in my life, could bear to stay married to someone who did what he did. I have rage issues (silent) with my Mother, more so than with my step father. I'm 46 now and these feelings have shocked me with their intensity and I don't know how to deal with myself. I feel guilt with the rage because she is such a positive, ever present and supportive Mom. Pls help - I feel like I'm going mad.
YOu're not going mad, but this may be a good example of how, even though things may seem superficially to have been sorted out admirably at the time of a crisis, some issues may continue to rankle for years afterwards, and there may remain some work needing to be done. Why not see a good local shrink for therapy now ? It shouldn't need too many sessions to work through this remaining anger and to become free to move on.
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