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24 Feb 2004

she ruined my life
I have been with my ex for 3 yrs. A few months back, we had a huge fight and I could not take all of the pressure and pain so I turned to doing drugs and before I knew it, I was dealing in drugs. This was the only thing that helped me escape all my problems and nothing could get to me. I told my girlfriend about this and she went and told another lady that stays in the same flats as us. I told her that I would stop but forgot that there was some Coke in my pants and she found it. She freaked out completely and kept on going on about how it was gonna ruin my life. I told her that she must hit the road if she could not accept me and the only happiness I had in the world- Drugs. She said that she need to talk to soemone to get all the stuff off her chest but I don't believe that story. This lady went and told everyone and now I am the one suffering. I had to have a drug test at work coz they thought I was taking drugs. I applied for Police College and was turned down becasue of the drug story. Luckily they found nothing in my blood and I got a written final warning and get tested every month. Everybdy at work considers me as a druggie. I was suspended for 2 weeks with no pay. I actually hate my ex. She has ruined my life. I really wanted to go to college and now the people at work don't even trust me. My name is in the mud, becasue she thought that she was confiding in a so-called friend. I don't want to see her ever again and never want to hear from her. I depise her in every way. I told my mom that I took drugs but now she is so cross with me becaus my work knows about it. Whenever she phones to say sorry and how much she misses me, I just never seem able to forgive her and what she has done to me comes back to me. I can't let go of what she has done and she always tells me how sorry she is. But how can I get go of what she has done. Am I being too selfish or does she deserve this?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

vu, none of these drugs bring anyone any happiness --- they just manage to confuse you enough to forget that you're unhappy. OK, so your ex caused you embarassment and inconvenience by revealing your deep involvement in drugs --- but she was only able to do that because you were badly involved in drugs, to an extent that could have got you into serious riminal problems. it wasn't her that ruined your life --- she just revealed to someone who was untrustworthy how much you had aleady ruined it with the drugs.
If you've broken up with her, let go and set yourself free from brooding about what she did in the past --- all that matters now is what you can do in the present and in the future.
You're actually lucky that people like her and your mother still care enough about what happens to you, rather than having given up caring for you at all. Now is the time to straighten up, and disappoint anyone who thinks very little of you, by showing them how well you can do, by getting off and staying off the drugs, and succeeding. You could still go to college ( off drugs, otherwise it's purely a waste of time ) and get an even better job ( off drugs... ).
never forget, as Zeena says, none of us have ever met an old and happy druggie. There is no such thing. But there are many older and happy Ex-druggies. Nobody is seing you as a druggie unfairly --- by your own description, that is what you are and have been. Make them wrong by cleaning up your act and becoming an ex-druggie.
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