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21 Jan 2004

SHE WONT LET ME SUPPORT THE BABY
I was last month dumped by my girlfriend who happens to be pregnant with my child and she is unemployed.
The reason for her to dump me was that one night she was sick and she called me for transport, but I could not be there bec I was far away from her place, and I suggested that she can hire a transport nearby and I will pay the expenses and she did that.
The next day she phoned me to say she doesnt love me anymore, and I must just forget about the child and she will bring him up by her own means, she doest need any piece of my support and I will not even see the child when born (April 04).
I then phoned her parents to tell them about the matter and they said they will speak to her and come back to me , but until today I have not heard any positive response from them.

I dont know whether is this lady using this method to punish me/ what?And I am concern because she is not employed and doesnt have any source of income.How is she going to pay for medical expenses, food, clothes etc.

I really want to support my child when born, but I am confused bec she wont let me.
I really want to go on with my life and put this matter behind, but at the same time I am worried because it will appear as if I am an irresponsible person who runs away from his responsibilties. Or is this lady going to sue me for maintanance at a later stage?. I dont really want to support my child via the court, but I want to give him all that I have i.e my 100% support in all aspects of life.

Please give me an advice, should I just watch her playing these game, and forget about everything and just go on with my life or what?
Answer 413 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear MMM,
Firstly, may I say, in an age when we hear so often of men who struggle to evade their responsibilities and who fail to provide cae for the children they father, it's a refreshing change to hear of a man who wants to do so, even if his lady currently is foolishly refusing to let him do so.
J seems to have some good ideas. You can open an account for the child, and put aside what you can afford right now, so it's available to assist the child when she starts being sensible again --- a pregnant woman is coping with physical and hormonal changes as well as the worries of unmarried pregnancy, and aren't always able to be as logical and wise as to their own best interests as they would be at other times. She may well recognize that she is grossly over-reacting to a single incident. Clearly, she felt horribly abandoned in that situation in which your reaction was logical, but didn't deal with her emotional needs.
She won't have any right to refuse to allow you access to your child, and would, from the sound of it, have no grounds for asking any court to limit such acess. Even though this matter ought to be capable of being sorted out without the COurts, it may need you to get some legal advice to prevent it becoming a legal mess.
I disagree with HandyAndy here --- the pregnancy is just as much her responsibility as yours, and it doesn't sound as if you've done anything wrong so far --- and it is her responsibility not to have a hissy-fit and prolong the sulks to the detriment of her pegnancy and the child.
Keep expressing the extent to which you care for her and the child, via her parents if necessary at first, and make sure your offer to be caring at this stage is on the record, i.e. known to a number of people. Maybe you're talking about money right now, when she wants to hear about love, and caring. Ish Bo seems to have the right idea there !
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