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30 Nov 2005

Sister changed to someone else
CS, please help. My sister(18) met this guy 26 years old who work for the same company as my dad. They know each other now for about 8months. Now before my sister met this guy she was the sweetest person, laughed ,smiled and who knows what. Now her eyes look dead, her personality changed so much that we don’t know her anymore.
This weekend, this guy and her spoke to my parents, told them if they wount allow them to marry he will get my sister pregnant and they will be forced to marry, this really hurt my parents a lot.
My first reaction when my mom told me this was to get in my car drive to him and hit the crap out of him. But I don’t think this will solve the problem, maybe it will only make things worse.. My sister was this really sweet shy cute girl, and now she turn into a person that will rather choose this guy (that took the spark out of her eyes) before she choose her own family. I want her to be happy, I really do. But I personally don’t think this guy can make her happy. He does not have respect to tell my parents he will get her pregnant? What can I as her brother do? I bet you I can talk to her but don’t think it will help, this guy blinded her so that she can only think of one thing and that’s to be with him. Please please please CS, I need help, whats the best way to react?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

You're right, Rodger, that attacking this guy won't solve any problems, and will probably cause several more.
The problem seems to be that this guy has lousy manners and poor communication and tactical skills. YOu would do better to befriend both of them and seek a social occasion like a coffee or meal with them, to chat about what's going on, and to frankly express your concerns. Find out what's going on, and improve their communication with you and your parents. At 18, she is probably legally able to do as she pleases, which unfortunately includes the right to be foolish, if she insists. Lee, Sister Zazi and others have useful comments here
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