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04 Jul 2005

Sister's pain for having sinned
I'm so worried about my sister and need urgent advice. She was married with 2 children, but fell in love with a colleague (12 years ago). Both her and the colleague got divorced and they've been married for about 10 years now. We as her family gave her such a hard time in the beginning - even now sometimes - but I never realized what pain she was going through. Sadly we called her all sorts of names, she lost all her friends and doesn't seem to trust any member of her family. Her husband is good to her, and they seem to have a strong relationship, but she somehow cannot forgive herself for having had an affair. Last night she told me that she recently went to see her husband's ex to ask for forgiveness, which this lady willingly gave (she's happily married again), she's done the same with her ex who's also married again, she says she constantly prays and asks for forigiveness. She somehow seems unable to forgive herself, and her husband says she is crying all the time. She's given up on herself, doesn't do her hair, no makeup, sleeps a lot. Please advice on how to help her, my heart is breaking for her and all the hurtful and judgmental things we've all said about her. What must I do, I fear that she's considering suicide?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Sounds like she needs counselling --- what she did was nowhere near as wrong as what many others do, and the situation seems to have ended with everyone involved being happily married, and everyone has forgiven her but herself ! She may well have become Depressed, as the symptoms sound like that --- and dwelling excessively on feeling guilty inappropriately is also a typical symptom of Depression. Do all you can to persuade her to see a psychiatrist or at least a GP as soon as possible, for a proper assessment and to be able to start treatment.
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