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06 Jan 2005

so close to suicide.
Ive been on 4 different antidepressant in tha last year and also seeing my 4th therapist in a year. The latest medication seems to be working in terms of not waking up feeling depressed and emotions a bit more under control. problem is: I've had a rough year i.t.o being emotional an so on. My husband has decided to put his foot down, he says I don't love him because I don't do womanly things like make him sandwiches when he goes on trips.etc. I feel that even though we have a maid, I still do most of the other things at home like cook the odd meal, pour drinks, do shopping, etc. don't do it all the time, but a lot. My friends (and even some of his friends) feel that he does nothing and does not repect me. He and his family feel that I am hurting him and being ungrateful and disrespectful for complaining about him doing so little. My therapist says I must accept the fact that he will never help out around the house. i feel that he will never change and that i can accept it but eventually i will end my life, because it makes me feel like a maid and not a wife. he says that i am not taking responsibilty for my own actions or non-actions. I can't see myself leaving him unless he cheats or beats me. Feel emotionally abused, but love him so much. He says if i'm so unhappy with him i must leave. I work with him, but he earns more and it feels like he thinks that gives him the right to sit back. My therapist says I'm resentful for no reason. he has told me if I don't start showing him that I love and appreaciate him I will find myself out on my a***. I'm not perfect in any way, have lost money, been nasty to him and his family, but we all get along quite well. I mostly feel like I am the one who is wrong, but I feel like this relationsship has created a big inferiority complex in me. My friends say he is being conrtolling. Who do I beleive????
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

I'm concerned that you've run through so many different therapists and therapies --- that almost suggests a reluctance to allow someone to genuinely get involved enough to help you. Good to hear that the latest medication seems to be helping. Sounds like serious counselling may be needed to do the rest of what's needed, preferably, if you can find them, someone using CBT ( Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy) which would tackle those negative thinking patterns. I doubt whether you should accept the subservient role he places you in --- I suspect that your therapist wasn't suggesting you should just lie down and accept it, but that you may need to accept that this man isn[t going to change, which isnt the same thing at all. I don't se that any of this ought to suggest suicide as an option. Either accomodate to the way of life he expects ( and things like taking responsibility for your own decisions and actions is a good idea, anyway ) or leave him and make a new way of life for yourself.
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