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03 Feb 2004

soooo depressed
dear doc
today, i am feeling like i have'nt since my divorce. i did post a letter last week about my "boyfriend" that came back after the xmas period after being missing for w hile who told me he had been sick and was in hospital, only to find out later that he is actually holed up in some dingy motel with a heroine addict and is back on crack. why m i feeling so very sad and tearful when i know that he is NOt the man for me and that he would have destroyed my life in the end? I am just finding it so difficult to try and understand why he had to lie to me so badly, especially after he always told me how much he loved me and that he could'nt imagine life without me and to not make contact with me for over 2 weeks now?? All I want is to have the opportunity to confront him, but he is avoiding me. How am I going to come to terms with this especially after I opened up completely to him about my awful divorce and told him about my devious ex. I am really finding it so difficult to understand why somebody would hurt you so much. Do people not have a conscience, does he actually ever sit and think about what he has done and how I must be feeling, or do i just not exist anymore? I have to lift myself out of this depression, but I just dont know how to anymore. I am so scared of getting old alone, not having anybody to share anything with and especially this month as it is my b-day and it is valentines day. what do i do to try and get over this fool?
Answer 332 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

anon,
Heroin addicts love their heroin more than they love anyone else, including themselves. And they lie as necessary to protect their habit of drug abuse. That's their priority. Yes, what he did was awfully hurtful to you, but probably not specificaly inended to be hurtful, rather than than carelessly so. If he's like most other addicts, then if he does ever happen to think about how he may have hurt you, he'd rush off for more drugs until he has forgotten it again.
Leave the fool behind --- he's put down his anchors in that drug-ridden past, and that's where he's staying. But that doesn't need to hold you back. Move on, with counselling if necessary, and you won't end up alone, but in a relationship with a real man, not one so pickled in chemicals that he's not with you even when he's sitting beside you.
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