Ask an expert

21 Jan 2004

Still hurting
My husband of 10 years cheated on me 3 years ago. This was on one of his trips out of town. This shattered my very core, because I had trusted him wholeheartedly. We agreed to save our marriage but what bothers me now is that i can't stop thinking about the event. It still hurts as if it happened yesterday. I can't stop imagining him with some woman, everytime he goes away and it hurts me. I do not know how to let go, as i have oftenly been told to do by shrinks that we have visited.
Answer 340 views

01 Jan 0001

Dear Cheese,
As you've discovered, there's a difference between intellectually knowing, as you do, that you need to let go of those aspects of the episode of infielity which still hurt you so much, and actually emotionally being able to do so. Our emotions are not logical and "sensible" in an intellectual sense. The head knows you need to, the heart makes it hard to do so. Still, the most useful way to work on this is in continuing counselling, working with a good shrink on the nitty gritty details of doing what you know you need to do. This type of response is understandable, but it atively magniies the unavoidable degree of hurtfulness. It's like having once stepped on a drawing pin, carefully preseving that drawing pin, and a box of ohers, and scattering them on the floor around you, to ensure that you keep stepping on them.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
32% - 9433 votes
68% - 19971 votes