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08 Oct 2009

STILL IN LOVE WITH EX-BOYFRIEND
I have seen my ex-boyfriend after 14 yrs and realised with a great shock that I am sitll in love with him. The same feelings I had for him then have resurfaced. I have seen him twice in the past 3 weeks and each time I saw him I felt the same way I did when I was with him. There is just one big problem ... I am married, albeit not happily at all. My husband and I have been having problems for a long time now, but we just ignore our problems for the sake of our child. I care about my husband, but I am no longer in love with him and have not been for a while. My husband cheated on me with a colleague and whilst he was having the affair, he treated me really badly, but I stuck around for the sake of my boy. Seeing this man has nothing to do with my feelings for my husband - those feelings were gone long before I saw the ex bf! I am however not going to rush into a divorce or into this man' s arms, but I cannot help the way I am feeling. We had a very bad break-up 14 yrs ago and never discussed the problem or our feelings during the break-up. There was a lot of anger on my side and at that time I felt that I really hated him and needed to get him out of my life. I realise now that I do still have feelings for him - very strong feelings, but don' t know what to do about it. Please help!
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

It seems odd that this would be a shock to you, that you would somehow have been totally unaware of this, for so long. Preesumably you did no end your relationship with him for silly or frivolous reasons, so do try to remember why it seemed such a good idea at the time. It was a very bad breakup, and you had good reasons for that.
And yes, you are now married. If there are problems ( as there are in every real rather than imagined relationship ) see a marriage counsellor with your husband, and work things out. Discuss these feelings with the counsellor, perhaps in some individual sessions, besides the joint sessions with your husband
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