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24 Feb 2004

stubborn boyfriend!

To the Doc and the people of the forum.

I cant handly my boyfriends stubborn and immature behaviour. If we have an argument me sulks even if its his fault. He leant me money to pay off debt and in turn I pay the rent. Obviously in an argument he throws it in my face. Last night when I was looking at my bank account on the internet, he wanted to have a look. I quickly switched it off and he got so angry. He accused me of getting myself in debt. He speaks to me like I'm his daughter. When I wanted to talk to him he said with his hand up "enough". Like a father would to a daughter. Whenever things dont go his way he runs up the stairs and sulks in the bedroom. I went up there and told him that he has a bad way of communicating and can be immature. Why cant he just say things and talk about it??? I am so frustrated. If we argue we dont talk for days until one of us gives in. Usually me because I cant handle stuff like this and I was not brought up in a home of arguing. Doc he is divorced and I cant help thinking that there is a reason for this. How does one handle a stubborn, immature man? Its hard work. Especially his controlling ways. I have applyed for a loan so I can give him the money back so that I never have to have that hanging over my head. I cant handle the silence. He always blames me and never ever says sorry for anything. I am always the one who makes the peace even when he is wrong because I cant stand the silence and sulking. I dont know if I can handle this guy. As much as I love him, I cant. Please dont even suggest counselling as it is not in his vocab.

Advice?
Answer 577 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear Sandy,
yes, Infuriating ! he sounds like a 12-year-old, but a rather immature 12-year-old ! Why have you chosen to love someone so unloveable, and why have you chosen to stay with him ? He might grow up, eventually, but why wait for another 20 years for him to achieve what other men manage by the time they're 18 ? There are no secret techniques anyone can give you to deal with someone so self-centred and infantile --- why not consider mking a fresh start with a real adult man ?
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