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18 Jul 2005

Sucker for punishment....
Hi everyone.

I have this relative that i'm friends with. We're in our 20's.

The thing is she has no other friends. Only her sister and her boyfriend. She has never been able to keep friends cause she is quite a bitch. She thinks nothing of phoning me and swearing at me on the phone because i dont visit. I always visit her, she NEVER visits me.

She says all these things and i have to sit there and be quiet. I then feel sorry for her because of having nobody, so i go and visit, only to open myself to more abuse.

A few weeks ago we had an argument where she swore at me for 20 minutes about how no one is there for her and knows what she goes through (her b/f travels alot), and went on screaming at me because someone else had upset her! She then said she wants nothing more to do with me, blah, blah. (This was the same day my mom drank the poison)

I hoped that she meant it, cause as much as i love her, she takes too much of my energy. This weekend she phoned me and told me how she missed me. So we hooked up and had a nice time.

Problem is tomorrow there will be something else again and she will demoralise me again. She says horrible things to me!! How do i get her out of my life, or set some sort of boundaries?

Her family has allowed her to control them, the result being that she thinks she can control everyone - AND I ALLOW HER TO DO IT!!!

I've never been able to stand her and my friends are so upset, they wanna give her a piece of their minds.Maybe i'm a sucker for punishment......
Answer 448 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Why on earth would you want to be friends with such a very unpleasant person ? Even horrible people can be pleasant occasionally when they want something, so that doesn't count). Stop allowing her to do it, and explain, that while you have spent some nice times with her, her temper, and her very unpleasant ways so much of the time, make it too uncomfortable to remain friends with her --- and that you wish her well in finding new friends to be happier with. That she is family doesn't give her the right to do this, nor does it mean that you have to put up with her. She has absolutely no power whatoever --- except what you choose to give her. stop giving it to her.
Stop feeling guilty, you are doing nothing except to protect yourself --- and stop feeling sorry for her, as she has no problems except what she has freelly chosen to cause for herself.
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