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11 Feb 2004

Suffocating
I met the most wonderful man 5 months ago. Things were great when he had his own place. He has now moved in with me and I am starting to feel resentful and claustrophobic. I am very independent, like my space and my time alone. Silence rejuvenates me. Since he has moved in, I have none of these things and no time to do things I enjoy. He is constantly with me. I love him, but I need space! How do I tell him without him getting upset and taking it personally?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

D, I'm with J on this. Moving in together is a far bigger Thing than most folks seem to recognize. But there's no substitute for talking this through together. It doesn't need to come across as a criticism of him --- you'd be describing an unexpected issue you've found in your reactions. Maybe between the two of you, if you could previously each afford a place of your own, you could afford jointly to find a slightly larger space ? And develop a mutual routine that gave you both what you want, some space privacy and peace, and some togetherness and hubbub ( there's a word I haven't had the chance to use for some time !)
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