Ask an expert

17 Nov 2005

wow. thanks so much for the replies in my posting # 10999
dude: the sms messages were casual things about what we were up to etc. i'd never talk about fights with friends it is personal.
figured it out: your reply made me cry but in a good way lol i want to believe what you wrote.
caz, nomsa, CS - ta.. needed it ;)

he didn't call for two days, so i called him cos i was confused and hurt and he said that the reason he didn't call was because he "felt too ashamed".
then, he told me how angry he was - he sounded as though he was justified in the sudden aggression towards me. and he said that he can't promise me he won't hit me in the future....
i'm in shock, i can't believe it, nothing is sinking in. how can a man who says he loves me tell me that he will hit me when he's angry with me??? i could never go back. i told him this. he said he'll have to respect my decision yet he wants me to come back. i don't believe it.

we have fought too often, in our 2 years of marriage. i know it is a bit tacky sounding to bring lovemaking into it - but since i'm anonymous i will - we have made love 3 times in the last 10 months. there's no interest from him, and it used to make me feel unattractive etc. but i learned to deal with it by forgetting it, i just realized that used to be an issue. but i was too embarrassed to talk about it.
my heart is breaking. i don't feel this marriage is worth it anymore. i know that's bad, giving up and throwing in the towel. i can't trust him. my family told me that sometimes, one partner has to "clap harder than the other" - but in this case i am the only one clapping.
Answer 240 views

01 Jan 0001

If that is his attitude, and he is content to remain a potential abuser, there is nothing wrong with you deciding not to accept this, and to end the relationship. In a relationship solving problems requires sincere participation by both parties, and if one won't do what's needed, the other can't succeeed in healing the relationship on their own.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.