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05 Dec 2005

THE PAST
Before I got married to my wife I was quite the ladies man and would always have different woman's numbers on my phone,
After we got married about a year ago I stopped flirting and chatting up woman, my wife has always felt Insecure even when we just started dating about 3 yrs ago, some people she knew discouraged her and said that I a real dog and just used woman and that I would do the same to her.
The problem that I know have is that she is so insecure that she does not believe a single word I say and I dont know how to show this woman that I have changed and that I am commited to her. She is so insecure that she accuses me of having affairs and she says that she will also have an affair to get back at me,,,when she says this I get some tense and I just dont kow what to do, It has no gone to the point that I dont trust her and I feel that she will cheat on me because of her Insecurities. She is a very attactive women and I know that there are alot of guys that will jump at a oppurnity to be with her, I recently found sms on her cell that she had sent to another guy saying that she misses him and that she cant wait to see him again...I have asked her about this and she said that she was just playing a game with this guy and nothing happened and she than turns it around and starts bringing up things that happended in the past when I usto flirt before we were married.
Is it fair of her to flirt with other guys because I did it before we got married ? I have been under a lot of stress lately (money problems, which she is aware off) and have not been taking care of her feelings and the way I speak to her and maybe she took it that I have someone outside our marraige that I am flirting or having a affair with ?
Just dont know what to think about this ? I thought that we had buried the past and it seems that she has not, how can she think that what she did was right because I did it before we were married ? How do I know if she has cut ties with this guy ? he knows that she is married and I guess that they will be more careful if they still want to see eachother...I am now the Insecure one ? will this be the end of us ?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Mariage counselling would be the quickest and most effective way of handling these issues. For varying reasons, you both have insecurities about trusting the other, and need to work on this together, with the counsellor. Of course tit for tat infidelities or threats of infidelity are never admitable or helpful.
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