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02 Jul 2005

this forum and the cyber 'doctor'
i came to this forum because i felt lonely and hurt. anyway it hasn't helped and i guess it all depends on what kind of saint you are.. how you're dying to save your marriage, will never indulge in affairs etc. [as long as you feel guilty. or admit to fault]
i came here to talk about a failing marriage. i got sarcasm and replies like i cant expect someone to make me feel good.. [i don't disagree..but that wasn't exactly what i needed]

most married women would love to feel that comfort. its like, you go from a relationship, into a marriage - why should everything change because you are now married? in the honeymoon too.

all i've learnt is : i'm selfish and way too emotional and need too much. thanks. really needed that. a waste of energy.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

hurt, I am absolutely certain that, prhaps due to arriving in a gloomy state of mind, you have very much misinterpreted the comments your message received, in a more negative way than they were meant.
People who come hear receive a frank and sincere reply from the shrink and from most other visiting readers --- it might not always be what you want to hear, but the latter is not what we're here to provide. What you NEED is often not what you WANT. ( twice this year, so far, I Needed a painful operation --- I didn't WANT them. But I had them, and it's just as well I did.
Some people seem to have said ( remember, after I post my own response, this system doesn't let me easily see any later responses ) that you can't expect someone else to make you feel good. They were, surely, urging you to takle charge, for yourself, of what you need to feel good, not to rely on any other person to give that to you as a gift --- it is your right to feel good in your own right, not to allow anyone else to withhold it from you.
Not only married women, but everyone would like to feel comfort from others, but most of us rarelty get it. And if we prescribe the exact way in which such comfort must be provided, the specific form, the words, whatever, then we will find it even more rarely ; compared to when we actually look at the other person, learn their language and recognize the ways in which they express affection and love.
You probably would find real value in counselling, if you would agree to tolerate the discomfort of exploration and discovery for the sake of greater progress and happier relationships.
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