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21 Nov 2005

Three kids and husband sometimes a war zone!
Hi Cybershrink

I have three children, two from my first marriage and one with my husband. We have been married for 9.5 years. My eldest is 15, middle is turning 11, and youngest is turning 9.

As with all step families we have a few hiccups.

My husband and I often end up in a fight about how we handle the kids, as I feel he spoils the younger one too much (lee-way allowed as it is his only child).

I bought the eldest one a cell phone when he went to highschool as he was no longer in aftercare and I wanted to be able to check up on him. Towards the end of that year my husband bought both the little ones cell phones, which I thought was crazy as the youngest was then 8. Perhaps one cell would have been ok which the middle one could use for us to contact them and for them to contact us regarding school pick ups etc. The youngest one of course lost his and got one of our upgrades.

Then this year my oldest wanted the new PSP that has just been released. He had saved his pocket money, and he worked part time to make up the balance and I bought him one (paying in a little).
Not long after that my husband goes out (without talking to me about it) and buys the youngest one a PSP. He certainly could not afford it (they are damn expensive) and the kid is not even 9 years old yet. I was annoyed as this made my oldest one disgruntled because he had to work for his, the middle one is now left out.

It is so damn difficult to be fair to all three of them, as they are different ages and have different interests.

The other problem is that they fight, and the older two tend to gang up on the youngest. Then of course my husband steps in and makes a big fuss. The youngest is however a HUGE pain (even though I love him to bits). It is just that he knows if he kicks up a fuss Dad will jump in. I keep telling my husband to stop intefering with their fights and taking sides as this just makes it worse. I believe that if they are fighting I dont care who did what they can all go to their rooms until they can be civil to one another.

My youngest one also has a weight problem. The other two are slim and athletic and the youngest is overweight and clumsy, so the older two tease him. The thing is that unless I put a lock on the fridge and the grocery cupboard I dont know how to stop the younger one eating so much!!! My husband buys the groceries and I have asked him not to buy coke, cookies and choc's but he does, and the youngest is getting fatter and fatter. Since he got the PSP it is even worse as he does not ride his bike anymore just sits and plays PSP. I am worried he is going to get diabetes or something. What i want to do is take the damn thing away during the week and make him ride his bike, but then my husband and I will fight again.

Generally we are all loving and good together but I need my husband to understand that he is causing alot of trouble between the kids, (and I am allowing it to avoid fighting with my husband).

How do I find a balance? Any advise will be appreciated.
Answer 359 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Yello, yellow
Marriage counselling possible ? He needs to learn that so foolishly spoiling the youngest one is bad for that child, as well as for the others.
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