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Question

06 Dec 2004

Tired
Hi

I am 31 and involved with a 42yr old single man who is an ex combat (SANDF). Dont get me wrong with what I am about to say but personally I think they should have been counselled because mentally they are no longer balanced. Either he is controlling, suspicious and always on guard as a result our relationship is deteriorating. Trust is one thing I will not get from him and I am under the opinion that it is from previous experience with life,suffering, death and seen the worst.

At some stage he will realise his actions and apoligise but often its hell to make him see reason and always talks about the hardship whilst in exile. I luv him to bits and wants to be with him but it is hard. He is what I want but is it what I should have.


LUV HIM STAX AND WOULD DO ANYTHING TO MAKE HIM HAPPY, I CANNOT PROVE IT BUT I STILL INSIST ON COUNSELLING.
Answer 368 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

tebogo, in my experience both in the bad old days, and in more recent times, soldiers have been damaged by exposure to combat and violence, whether in the SANDF or in the liberation mkovements, and have been provided with inadequate support, counselling and other needed treatment. Some even sufer from PTSD, with nightmares, etc. Trust can be hard for them to form, after the way some were treated by the army. And we told all the relevant authorities, time and again, what would be needed, but nothing was done. And the experiences in other countries, with the problems of former comabt veterans, from Vietnam to the Falklands, have been very similar. But there the veterans mobilized themselves and public opinion, and pressed the governments to provide proper care, This hasn't happened here. You're right about the value of counslling ; see i you can persuade him to take it on !
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