Ask an expert
Question

31 Oct 2006

To CS - from May
.Thanks for the advise....but i don't know what is it that I am feeling now....Counselling may help but i don't know if he would like to do it with me.

I just want to know if I am the one who should be blame for all this because he is still who he was before...except for those weird behaviour changes because he was a rather conservative man before and he didn't even like it if I was wearing something a bit more provocative without him beside me.

Ijust wish everything goes back to the way it was before ....before we had children. Don't misunderstand me ...I love my children dearly..it is just that our marriage has come to this kind of stage ...it is rather worrying for me...because i don't want a divorce. I want a family..hopefully a happy family.



May.

__________________________________________________

I am confuse about my own emotion about my husband. I don't know if I still love him or not? How do I explain it.......My husband works overseas all the time...whenever he work on a project abroad...he will be away for 1-3 months...sometimes even 6 months. I got used to him being away since we we dating (10 years ago). When ever he is back he will probably stay for 1 month or so, and if isn't a good season for his kind of work he will be staying at home from 1-3 or 4 months.

For the last 6 years since our youngest daughter was born (1 have 2 children), I have totally lost interest in sex and he is rather upset with it. And lately he had found out some ways that he can arouse himself, that is to imagin me having sex with other man. I am not that kind of person that will go with it. I told him he can imagin whatever he wants but I will not materilised it.

Now, whenever he talks to me intimately I would feel very uncomfortable and scare. I cannot imagin having sex with him as it will grose me out.....I am sorry to say that but I do feel this way .

He is away at work now, he told me that when he is back he is going to have more sex with me.....the moment he told me that I just kept quiet and didn't know what to say....cos if I telll him the truth I will hurt him so much...and if I don't, I feel so uncomfortable .

He is a good man, he cares for his family and I think I still love him. I am not sure what is my feeling towards him now.....Am I having a mental problem????? what is my problem???? Pls help me.

I know if I continue this way, one day he might have to find other women to satisfy him. I don't want that to happen but I can't make myself to like having sex with him....what am I going to do?

Desperately looking for answers. pls help!!!

May
Date: 30/10/2006

Subject:
Posted by: Cybershrink
Message:
Its hard to love someone who is away so much. But curiously, your description of his favourite fantasy sounds very like a description we received from a man, of how he fantasizes about his wife. If this isn;t beepable, you are right to refuse to act out his fantasies. Couldn't he join you to see a marriage counsellor while he is back here ?
Date: 31/10/2006


Answer 348 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Of he doesn't want to join you, go ahead with counselling on your own. He may well decide that if you are talking about him, he may as well join in. How on earth should you be blamable for HIS weird character or fantasy changes ?
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
Results
Yes
33% - 9379 votes
No
67% - 19431 votes
Vote