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06 Feb 2004

trust
My boyfriend (28) left me (26), we stayed together for 2 years. Three weeks ago he left me, because I'm to insensitive. I grew up diferently. I was hard on him because I dont trust men, all men are bad. I went through hell crying and not wanted to let go off him. I even begged him to stay. He said he needed time to think and I must be strong, not that easy. I heard stories that he chatted girls up behind my back and made eyes for them touched there bums and so on. I realy thought he was different and trusted him. Now we are going to try again but he is staying with his sister. I see him weekends. But I dont feel the same anymore and dont trust him if he say he loves me so much. I am also scared he will leave me again. I get nightmares and have a permanent headache ever since. How can I stop feeling like this. I love him so much and dont know how to respond to him.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

tasha, ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophesy ? If you start with the belief that ALL men are bad ( not some men are bad, which is obviously true --- some women, some cats, and some fish, are bad ) you may become inclined to prove yourself right --- so that if a many isn't bad enough to confirm what you believe as a prejudice ( pre-judging ) --- well, you MAKE him bad by needling him, or when he says good things and does good things, you decide that these must be false and that he must actually be bad, even if it isnt obvious.
Stories are stories, and some people have their own motives for telling you things, whether true or not.
Why did you decide that all men are bad ? Presumably you didn't decide this out of the blue, but arising from previous bad experiences ? Maybe you';re over-generalising, from previous experiences to this one ?
Volcano summarises it well, how contradictory your story is --- you dont love him like before, but you love him so much, all men are bad --- except maybe this one ?
Try seeing a counsellor, because you sound clever and sensitive enough to be able to work this all out really well.
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