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06 Dec 2004

trust abused
I was going out with a lady "K" for 2 years and ended it sometime about April 2003. This was due to family rejecting the relationship and with me not putting too much into it. I thereafter moved 600km away to start a fresh life starting with reviewing my very difficult childhood upbringing.

When I moved away, I met and fell in love with a most beautiful lady who wanted to marry me. I felt i still had unresolved issues regarding my previous relationship and started communicating with my ex. I created the impression that i wanted to get back together but all i wanted to do was understand what went wrong so i dont do the same thing again.

I did not tell my new girlfriend about these communications.

This continued from Mar 2004 to Dec 2004 and it killed me for keeping this secret. My relationship with my new girlfriend grew stronger and stronger until now when we decided to marry. I felt i needed to tell her about my ex and about what i did.

She is now very upset. I love her very very much and want to save this relationship as i fell she is the one for me.

I dont know how to do deal with this situation:

1. Do we end the relationship cos' i lied
2. Do we talk it out and go for counselling

What is the process that I can follow?

What is the right thing to do?

Please help me.

Answer 358 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Hello mp,
Wouldn't it have been better, and mbe still would be better, to work with marriage counselling, rather than alone ?
Did you lie to your present gf, or merely avoid the truth ? 10 months is an awful long time to keep up communcations with an Ex in some attempt to finish the relationship, rather than to continue it. It's better in individual counsellign to work on how things went wrong, rather than by re-enacting them !
Wouldn't relationship counselling be the best route for the two of you this time round, to see what can be sorted out, before committing to marriage ? Don't give up so easily !
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