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19 Jan 2004

Trust Broken
My g/friend and I have been living together for over a year. Between Jan and August last year she would go on a regular basis to her ex to drop off her children and at times spend many hours there. She told me it was for the sake of her children. She says she is in love with me and wants to spend her life with me. In early August she told me that a successful relationship is based on trust. Six days later she had sex with her ex. The trust was broken and since then the hurt I have felt has not been repaired. She told me it was a mistake but has not yet said sorry. We have spoken about it for a few minutes only and each time I tell her how hurt I still feel, she says she does not want to discuss it. I have gone to a councelor who said we need to see someone together or at least my g/friend and I should talk about it freely without hurting each other. She does not want to do iether, because I feel she is hurting as well. I gave her a free gift, trust, which she broke. I want to give it her again and I dont know how to as I feel hurt and betrayed. Now she tells me she needs to go with her son to her ex, to sort out her sons issues, which he does have and this has caused my distrust to resurface. I want to put this behind me and I feel the only way this can be addressed is with her help. Please help me.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear max,
Clearly there is more going on here than meets the eye, and your gf's steady refusal to talk about something she knows has hurt you, does not look at all promising. And for her to refuse to join you in counselling, sounds like she's not prepared to accept that she may have caused a problem and that she's not prepared to try seriously to sort out any problems that exist. That sounds like she could be using you, rather than loving you.
You could make it clear to her that either she joins you in serious discussion of what's going on, including joint counselling, or the relationship is officially over. Prety-well any problem between a couple can be sorted out, with goodwill on both sides. But when one person flatly refuses to make discussion possible, then there's nothing further worth trying.
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