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10 Mar 2004

Truth Hurts or is there something positive in this
Dear Cyber. Ref my question on 1/3/. I did write back but don't think you read it. I'm not sure how to get back to you? To summarise you said that maybe my boyfriend and I are perhaps compatible for a good friendship but not necessarily be the same as full compatibility for marriage. What would that be? Can you read your reply ?? I suppose I didn't really want to hear what you said. I feel heartbroken to think that maybe what we have will not go further? So what is missing? And suddenly I'm now questioning everything. We have both contributed so much to this relationship. I do love him. I feel like such a failure and I'm afraid my self-image is starting to slip. I will heed your advice on the tempering of eagerness but really confused about us. Do I never bring up the subject of future or his feelings again? AFterall it is now his relationship it is our relationship. ??? What do you think?

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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear Fairy,
Firstly, re getting back to me. For security reasons, I access the forum from behind the scenes, and the system gives me, to see, only those questions I haven't answered yet. So if you respond TO ME, in the same threaqd as your original question, I won't see what else you say. If you want me to see some fresh comment or extra information from yourself, then, as I often propoese--- do as you did this time, and post a fresh message.
Back to the issue troubling you. What I was meaning was relatively simple. It seems that at the level of a really good friendship, spending time together, etc., you two have a great relationship going on. But it sounded as if you have some degree of disagreement or at least differeing perspectives, as to whether to cement the relationship in a formal marriage.
Like many of us, I've had many terrific friends through my life, but I didn't marry them all ( bigamy isn't my cup of tea ! ) As kernel clarifies, you seem to be wanting more ( marriage ) than he is ready for at this time. That may change over the time that lies ahead, but for now, pushing for marriage might lose you the friendship you already have and enjoy. You two need to discuss this together, at some length and in some detail, without accusations, or anger, or even sadness, but so as to properly understand each other's point of view, and to explore the best accomodation worth reaching between the two points of view.
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