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25 Jul 2006

trying to fix it
i wrote a post eysterday cs and last night i hit rock bottom with everything..i have so many people who are worried about me and yet i cannot prioritise getting better or getting help..i am consumed by my job but not in a good way...convincing myself i am completely incometant...i know this is because i cannot focus on anything and everything becomes a great big mess....i feel heopless and then more this happens the more i divulge myself in my eating disorder....and things just get wors eand wrose...yesterday i wrote a post on a forum ir egular and they closed my post down and told me to get immediate help, at first i was angry and then i broke down and cried long and hard about how ive landed myself in the shit..i felt like half a person last night...
but i am petrified, i know i should make that call and not expect an email reply from those clinics or docs but i cant pick up the pho9ne because thats admitting out loud that i have a problem and ims cared of what comes next...i dont want to go inpatient again and am scared this is where it will all land up..i feel like if i talk to someone about it all i will be doing is allowing myself to wallow in self pity...

i dont know how to do it or take that first step but id o know that i have hit the ground hard..i just dont know where to do if im not going down...
Answer 326 views

01 Jan 0001

Gear h,
Don't wait for an email reply from the clinics --- that is simply not how they work , and they're probably not even allowed to work that way. DO see a good local shrink asap, for a proper assessmernt and the shrink can then arange for admission to the right sort of clinic, and progress from there. You have admitted, here, and also to yourself, that you have a problem --- calling the shrink and then seeing the shrink isn't admitting to the problem, but admitting that you ae sensible enough to do the right things to solve the problem. If you see a proper shrink, they will be sympathetic, but will not allow you to just wallow in self-pity. And meanwhile, call Lifeline for support to make the next, crucial, step.
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