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21 Jul 2006

Unsure
Hi guys

I really need some advise from you guys regarding my relationship.
My wife and I have been going through difficult times since she got preganant more than 3yrs ago, the spark that was there for me just started to fade and I felt that she was becoming more and more demanding and less and less appreciative of what I was doing for her and the baby. She had a idea of how her pregnancy and life would be and I guess I was not living up to that exspectation. Many times we have spoken and argued about how our life should be and I always told her that she had a fairy tail idea in her head and I was not going to kill myself trying to live up to her exspectations, I was trying 100% to be the best man I could be. The problems became worse and we both started drifting farther apart and we became more and more abusive, verbally and physically, this actions was started by either of us. Well in all this time I never had any affair although i wanted to (I just wanted to hurt her) the problem is my self esteem was so low that I was afraid to approach any woman and instead starting focusing on my studies and career, things went well and I was promoted within a year and I though that now i will be able to make her happy by giving her the life she wanted.
I started becoming suspicious that she was having a affair as she started doing things that she normally never did, she coloured her hair, started looking more and more after herself, my suspicions were true and I almost lost it but I managed to get myself togother physically but emotionally I am stilled messed up by this.
We managed to reconcile and try and put things togother, I mean things were okay but now we back to the same place we were before, I suspect that she might be having an affair again and I just dont know how to handle the situation. We currently talking about getting divorced and she is saying that I am the reason for the divorce because I treat her like sh!t and she cannot continue living with me. I know that I treat her badly and I take responsibility for that but at the same time I have this feeling that something else is going on. I feel mixed about the whole situation,
1. I'm thinking of divorcing her and just moving on or
2. I'm thinking maybe you did not treat this woman good enough and know she's had enought.
I dont anyone to tell me what to do as I will make a final decision, I'm just looking for a objective view point. We also tried marraige counselling about a year ago and that counsellor in my opinion was useles and did nothing to get to the actual problem.
Answer 309 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Marriage counselling would seem to be the obvious suggestion, here --- sorry that the one you saw was apparently useless to you. Basically, when a relationship reaches such an impasse, either one needs to persist in finding a therapist / counsellor effective for you, or one considers divorce
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