Ask an expert
Question

06 Apr 2006

UPDATE NR 2
Thanks for your reply just now doc.

I got a reply to that e-mail stating that she doesn't feel she needs psychological counselling & that she cannot afford it either. She said that she doesn't understand why I can't just talk to her & tell her what I perceive that she's done so bad to make me treat her like this. She also made sure to tell me that I must remember that my Grandad & brother are also being affected by this. Once again she said that she will meet me this afternoon & if she doesn't hear from me then she'll assume I'll be there.

I am draughting a reply - perhaps you can comment. As an outsider, do you think this is heartfelt enough?

I appreciate that you do not feel the need to seek psychological counselling but I'm afraid that I do. I have many deep issues that I need to work through before we can sit down & talk. You may perceive this as being weak but inside I am breaking up & I am begging you to understand this.

I don't believe that meeting at the xxxxx is the answer as this is not as simple as an argument that needs resolving. I have tried to explain some of the issues to you in the letters I wrote you previously & have tried to work through them myself but to no avail. After meeting the psychologist, I have realised that these issues run alot deeper than I actually thought & for my own sake as (my name), I need to work through them. I don't want a simple reconciliation where the heart of the issues are not resolved only to end up in the same situation 6 months down the line.

Trust me when I tell you that I do miss you & yes, I do want a relationship with my Mother but cannot carry on with the way things were. I would really appreciate it if you would consider meeting xxxxx at least once as she may then be able to give you a better insight as to what I'm dealing with. I understand the financial strain as it is a strain for me too but I feel that this is important for me to move forward.

I also understand the effect that this has on other people, including my Husband & Son & I have asked that my husband support me through this path of 'finding myself'. I need to focus on sorting myself out right now and cannot simply reconcile due to the guilt I feel for everyone affected.

Please re-consider making at least one appointment with the psychologist as I really believe this will be the way forward for us.
Answer 348 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Hi Sad,
Of course your grandad and brother ae not being affected by ANYTHING you are doing, but they are being afected by HER< and about how SHE chooses to respond to your very reasonable decision not to enable her to continue upsetting her. Continue to work with your own therapist to increase your own strength and abilities to deal with her.
Your decision to postpone meeting with her until later, is noting to do with weakness, but is a reassuring sign of STRENGTH on your part. Your draft message is highly eloquent, sincere, and sensible. She may find those qualities difficult to deal with
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
Results
Yes
33% - 9362 votes
No
67% - 19318 votes
Vote