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06 Apr 2006

UPDATE NR 3 - now what?
I got this reply to my letter:-

Before I make any decisions on this matter,I need to know what it is that I
have done to you that is so terrible that you can't sit and face me across a
table without having a Psychologist there. We always had such a good
relationship or was that all a lie?

Now what am I supposed to reply? Can she just not accept that I cannot talk to her? The psychologist told me to always be polite in whatever I say to her but how do I politely tell her that it's not as simple as just saying what she's done wrong. Geez - I can write a 20 page e-mail to her trying to explain some of the stuff & she STILL won't get it. For me it's not specifically about what she's done to me but rather how screwed up I am inside at the moment!
Answer 316 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

One could almost see a sense of guilt in the way she phrases that, can't we ? And this is surely a highly relevant aspect of her reluctance. She sees herself at risk, in meeting the counsellor, of being accused of having done terrible things to you --- and of course she'd be reluctant to arrive for that ! Maybe the counsellor can help you phrase it well, to help her understand that would actually be the intention. Interesting, she still sees it, like so much else, as all about HER, and not about you ! Maybe your last sentence gets close to it --- that the discussion is not intended to be specifically about what she has or hasn't done to you, but about how screwed up you feel, and how she can play a part in helping you sort that out, rather than making it worse. Any detailed attempt to describe it all in text, couldn't work
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