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14 Dec 2005

Very concerned!! Pls help!!
Hey everyone,
This is very confusing but here goes...
I found out that my cousin accused my uncle of molesting her when she was very young. Now none of us know if it really happened. How do you know when somebody is telling the truth? When we all were young (we are the same age) we used to stay over at my grandparents house, my 2 uncles were still living in their parents house. I don't remember that anything happened, but then again I was very young. The reason I might think her accusations are true is because she has lost all respect for herself, when we were teenagers she had slept with most of the boys in the town. She has a huge issue with sexuality. The reason I don't think it's true is because there was 3 of us, small girls staying there couple of days a week and one of us living there permanently, not her. She won't talk to me about it, and she would never considder going for therapy. I'm really concerned about her, because no matter how long ago it happened she has to get help for it.
Any advice?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

These can be extremely complex situations. She may well have been molested, and she may not have been molested. Memories are remarkably unreliable, and also remarkably easily influenced by what we have come to expect. Reading some dangerously misleading books about abuse, some of them best-sellers, can induce people to remember abuses that never occured or which are even impossible ; recollections of such experiences can be entirely true, entrely false, or a mixture of truth and fantasy, hard to decipher.
She does sound as though she needs psychotherapy, preferably from a psychologist who is competent but not with a fanatical interest in matters of previous abuse, as they too often find what they're looking for, whether or not it was ever actually there.
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