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12 Jan 2005

Very serious lack of social skill
Hello everyone, I really hope someone out there can help me.
I am going through some whacked out depression right now.

I cannot seem to hold a conversation, or hold friendships for very long. Here's the crunch : I feel that people just really do not like me.

They LOVE my husband, he's funny, charming, tolerant of every tom dick and harry - and he has TONS of friends. Even when I have managed to make a friend, I bring them home and they totally forget about me and my husband gets along better with them - and they start exchanging emails and meetings for lunches and all that... and they forget me. It's so chronic, it's not even funny.

I'll be in a circle of people and we'll all be chatting and stuff, but the one thing I have distinctly noticed is that NOBODY makes eye contact with me. I mean NOBODY. It's like I'm invisible. Even when I speak, then it's as if no-one has heard what I said.

God! Am I dead? Am I invisible? I even started wearing make-up to try and make people notice that I am alive... and, well, nothing.

I am beginning to feel dead inside. People go out to lunch at the office, they invite each other, but No-one invites me. So a few times Ive invited myself along, no-one bitches, but they also do not notice whether I'm there or not.
My boss doesn't notice me, my husband doesn't notice me when we're in a social environment.

Ok, so I;ve considered that maybe I'm boring. How do I combat that? How do I become noticed? at work? at home? anywhere on the planet? I am so worried, and it;s causing such major depression - which is only going to make me more unnoticeable...

Help, I want to Claw my way out of this, I want to be noticed like a normal, living, breathing individual. I have never been the centre of attention, and neither do I want to be, just for my existence to be seen every now and then... like I mean something, like I'm alive, - HEY, I'M HERE.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Have you tried talking about this to your husband ? Maybe he can share some of his charm with you, and include you in his exercises for enchanting others ? And remind him he must not poach your friends, but must include you in the friendships he develops. It's not hard for someone with his social skills to enable you to be and feel included in the activities going on.
Your plight sounds exactly like the husband who sings the sad song in "Chicago", about being "Mr Cellophane".
And otherwise, much of this is a question of social skills, which a counsellor and psychologist could help you to develop and enjoy.
And the point Tshirt makes about how crucial perceptions are, is actallyvery important. because you think little of yourself, you expect others to do likewise, and interpret their responses and reactions in the light of what you expect. And remember, too, the more you show interest in THEM, asking about them, making them feel inetresting and amusing, the more they'll like you.
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