Ask an expert
Question

25 Mar 2003

Want him to suffer
Good day everyone, here is my story. On Saturday I overheard my boyfriends conversation with his best friend which confirmed that he cheated on me, this happened Thursday evening,Friday morning. After many problems we had, this was the ultimate. He didnt deny it on confrontation and left me in pieces. The person he cheated with called me and threatened me because my intention was to confront her boyfriend, she has since then insulted me by saying that the reason why my boyfriend cheated on me was I couldnt satisfy him and that he actually hated me as I am supposedly classified as a bitch and a horrible person to be with. My boyfriend afterwards called me and told me that the reason he called was because he felt sorry for me and laught at me and swore at me, it was asif they were the victims and kicking me while I am down...

I hurt so much and couldnt stop crying I didnt know why these people are doing this to me. I hate them all so much and the thought of them brings me to tears. I have decided to leave everything as it is hoping that they would leave me alone.

My boyfriend wanted to see me last nite and I agreed to meet. He apologised profusely and I forgave him. I woke up this morning feeling so angry and wished I didnt forgive him and hated myself for agreeing to meet with him. All I want is to see him suffer I need to see it, the way I suffered for the past few days crying the minute I open my eyes until I get to work.... Cant eat cant sleep I am filled with hate at this very moment and feels like hurting someone....

I dont wnat to feel like this, because it is not who I am, I am scared b'cause its the first time I am feeling like this its driving me insane and dont know what to do.

Please help me... I am inlove with a man I hate....
Answer 358 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear Cool,
It sounds as if this is the first time you've encountered either such cruelty in someone you cared about, or found such deep and confused feelings within yourself ? Let's set the feelings aside for a minute and look at the facts of the situation, as you describe them. The man you are describing, doesn't sound loveable or loving, and not worthy of your love. What on earth is there in him, for you to love ?
OK, people do all out of love --- but if for any reason he had decided that he no longer felt loving towards you, what a real man would do, would be to talk to you gently, and explain that his feelings had changed, and that this was not your fault. One wonders whether in fact he invented those stories about how nasty you were, as an excuse to get into the other woman ? And maybe he didn't know that she was so vicious as to use those lies of convenience to hurt you ?
Anyway, it was reasonable to hear his apology, not necessarily to accept it. It's open to you to decide that his behaviour was inexcusably hurtful, and that you no longer want to be a friend to him, as he has not been behaving as a true friend towards you. The value of "forgiveness" doesn't lie in making him feel better, but in letting you release yourself from bondage to the bad feelings and bitterness that are so unpleasant for you.
Let it go. If he and she are as unpleasant as they seem, then surely they very richly deserve each other, and should be left to have the chance to make each other miserable. You need to work towards getting on with the rest of your life, which deserves to be happy, and to be spent with people more worthy of you.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
Results
Yes
33% - 9365 votes
No
67% - 19350 votes
Vote