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05 Apr 2006

What did i do wrong?
Hi, i'm 19 years old and i grew up staying with my gran and never felt my mother's love, she never even believed in me, i can't talk to her about anything, she calls me names, like i'm stupid and she told me she hates me and wish i was never been born, she told me if she could go back in time to undo me she would.

I've always tried to be a good person but she always finds faults in everything i do, i don't drink or do what most teens usually do and i got good grades in school but to her i'm a mistake and when ever i'm ill she accused me of being pregnant, It really hurt me because i don't know what did i do wrong to deserve that.

She took me from my gran and left me alone when i was 12 and i had to learn things on my own , go to school and think what i have to eat but i didn't give up, she paid for my school fees and told me that when i finish school she wants all her money that she used on me coz she has done me a favour. she's never been there for me not even to buy me clothes or to wish me a happy birthday.

I found a job and paid some of the money she used on me, but i don't feel i owe her as she is my mother, she doesn't speak to me and i'm not staying with her anymore, she tell people lies about me and what a disgrace i am. she's punishing me for what my father did to her as if i asked to be born.

I'm tired of trying to reach out to her and i don't think i want her to be part of my life anymore coz everything she does for me she wants me to pay and she only seems to be nice when she want money from me after that i'm a disgrace again, yesterday she came to where i live and i thought she wanted to see how i was doing coz i was ill, she told me she was worried about me but after 5 min she said she needed money, and i think she just came for money not coz she cared but i didn't give her anything.

Am i a terrible person to feel this anger towards her? i feel like i hate her for what she put me through and whenever my friends tells me how much they love their mothers and how great and understanding they are i feel sick and jelous coz i can't and never call her my mom. i don't know my father i tried to know him but he doen't want to know me. I don't really know what i did to deserve this life all i wanted was to have a happy family but she stole my childhood and i can only have that in my dreams, i feel so lonely.

my life experiences affected me in many ways coz now i don't believe or trust in people, i think they will let me down or disappoint me, i want to stop hoping that she will change or ever love me, everything is over my shoulder and i'm starting to feel like a mistake but also don't want to take my own life coz i have dreams for my future i want to have things that she never gave me, where can i get an affordable counselling to work on changing myself and my attitude towards life? pls help

Your advice will be highly appreciated
Answer 365 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

OK, you have had the misfortune of having a bad mother, with apparently no idea of the duties of being a mother. That's her fault, not yours. You ARE a good person, and she doesn't have the skill to recognize it. She's a disgrace to the very idea of "mother".
You shouldn't repay her a penny of the little she spent on you --- if she complains, remind her that you have been so kind as not to report her to the authorities for child abuse and neglect. Cut her out of your life, ignore whatever she might say about you, and feel pleased to be rid of her. You're not at all a terrible person for feeling anger towards her --- SHE is a terrible person, indeed. If possible see a good local counsellor, to work through the damage she caused you by her irresponsibility and extreme selfishness, and to set yourself free from the limits she placed on you. WHy you ? Because she was a dreadful mother, and you had the misfortune, by chance, to be her child
Check out what's available through your nearest major provincial hospitals, and at the Depts of Psychiatry & Psychology of your nearest medical School.

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