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09 Dec 2004

What do I do now?? Please help....
Hi,

All hell broke loose last night. After work I went to the mall and I bumped into my boyfriend. Ended up shopping with him then I invited him home for supper.

When we got to my place my mom was already upset to see that he was with me, as she thought that she was going to be alone with me last night. My boyfriend was joking around, play fighting with me infront of my mom.

She got upset with this as she felt that we weren't showing her any respect but she didn't say anything about it. My BF then joked and said that he wanted me to come with him to Durban for Christmas, my mom replied that she will only allow that if he comes to my family and proposes.

They ended up in this heated discussion about marriage. Supper was stressfull as no one spoke to each other. My BF is upset with my mom because she basically told him that he doesn't come from a respectable family and she raised her voice to him.

After he left my mom and I got into an argument about it. She wants me to choose between my BF and her. I can't do that I love them both. My BF says that until I resolve my problems with my mom he doesn't feel that we should see each other. I can't live like this any more, its just becoming to much. My granny suggests that I get my dad to help solve this problem.

I think that the only solution is for me to move out. I am so confused right now...
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

GRanny may be right, surely dad needs to become involved in resolving this issue. Relating to what Jenna said, do make sure, all through this, that you don't feel you have to0 cling to your bf BECAUSE your mother is against the relationship --- it's hard to make sure that your don't get trapped either into feeling you have to do whatever she says, or that you must avoid doing what she says, even if she might be right on occasion ! And it does sound as if your bf was a bit thoughtless and tactless, and not respectful, in how he dealt with your mother, wasn't he ?
It's unfair for her to try to force you to choose betwwen him and her, but that's the sort of thing despairing mothers may do. As Kay says, you need to talk more with your mom, to be sure you understand each other better
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