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21 Jan 2009

what does one do in this case??
Hi
I have been so called married to this guy for three years now,firslty hes quite older than me 17 years my senior bt i never saw that as a problem, he has two kids from previous relationship..the problem is..he treats me so bad that i feel worthless and so depressed at all times,he always shouts at me and cal me silly all the times, i never do anything right to him, hes not interested in my life at all..am studying now but everytime am excited about something he always puts water in it, he calls my work juk work..he doesnt like my family nor wats them in our house.am not suppose to say anything or advise him when it comes to his kids..he does whatever he please even if its wrong..i feel so small n he has killed my confidence..he criticises every little thing that i do..we are expecting a baby n he doesnt even care..we argue all the time, we never talk or laugh unless hes gossiping abt his friends..i must praise him all time..i fully support myself...he does nothing for me except a present there n there..am tired and i feel like i have lot myelf in this relationship..he sometimes tell me that he doesnt mind me going i should go n just bring his baby when born n when i leave he lways stops me..i have tried counselling he doesnt want at all coz he says there is nothing wrong with him..please tell me what to do....am drained and i dont think i can take this anymore...he pretends as if we are so perfect in front of people bt one they leave it doesnt even take him a minute to shout and accuse me of being a no good...n silly..he even swears at me sometimes..he has never beaten me, but i feel like this is too much already..hes nothing to me, we share absolutely now except for the baby am caring...how can this be fix? n i feel i can be beter of alone

thanks
Answer 359 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

m I misremembering, or did we earlier today get a message from a young women considering entering a relationship with a man 17 years older and with 2 children ? Maybe you should read each other's messages.
I don't think the age difference is as important as the prychologically abusive behaviour you describe, which is wrong at any age. IF he behaves the way yopu describe --- why are you in any sort of relationship with such a nasty man, let alone having a child with him ? Marriage counselling is obviously needed, but I doubt he would agree. If you're able to support yourself, wouldn't you and the baby be better off without him ?
Discuss the situation with an organization like POWA, as this is abusive, and he certainly shouldn't be allowed to stop you leaving if you wanted to do so.
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