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01 Apr 2006

WHAT HAPPENS TO MARRIAGE - WHEN THE CHILDREN LEAVE HOME
HELLO ALL ----
please give me some opinions
== assume a couple has had a reasonably difficult marriage –
with lots of small continuous arguments –
probably all the usual stuff -- who controls whom -- but we held it together !!
had a loving successful family with 3 lovely children – all nicely grown up and off they go.
what happens to the marriage now ??
do the arguments get worse ??
somehow we get the feeling -- that we both still feel 20 yrs old -- both very healthy and strong -- “ well to do “.
all the old arguments and differences from the beginning – like past 20 yrs – still seem to be there?? - hammer and tongs !!
what happens to you guys ??
we do not seem to have learned over the 100’s of settled and unsettled arguments that we have had over the years !!
can two intelligent healthy people be so stupid – as to carry on with the arguments ???
what’s going on ??
some feedback please


Answer 329 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Morning, john,
Of course there's no general answer to your broad question. Often, a couple hold together "for the sake of the children", and tend to postpone major arguments over significant disagreements --- and then realize, a the kids lieave, that there's no other excuse for not resolving matters. Some may simply give up and stalk off in opposite directions. But this can be a very fruitful time for mariage counselling ; to identify and work together on resolving, whatever issues have been saved up.
Its often a harder time for the wife, to the extent that her major occupation has been as Mother to the kids. she's been made redundant, and its more like the experience of men and women when they have to retire from their job. Unless they have developed personal resources, hobbies, etc., to occupy themselves cheerfully, it can be a very difficult challenge to adjust to.
You sound like a couple intelligent and energetic enough to do brilliantly in marriage counselling, and to redefine the relationship so as to best suit both of you, and plan for a mutually satisfying future.
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