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07 Dec 2004

What have I done?
This is really hard to admit - even to strangers (but because all of the regulars here don't seem like strangers anymore).

A week and 1/2 ago I had a medical abortion. First of all my medication would have caused havoc with a baby plus I was just at the point of stabilizing. Now I feel that I need to get it all out. At the time, I broke up with my boyfriend because I just felt so guilty looking him in the face and telling him the truth. Today I purposely picked a fight with him - then realized that I was just trying to make myself feel less guilty about what happened, so I apologized and told him that I just felt guilty about something and was taking it out on him. He wanted to know why - so I sms'ed him about what happened. BTW His cellphone is at home today, so he still hasn't received the sms. And no - I wasn't really being irresponsible, the condom just tore and I just didn't think about getting the morning-after pill.

Now I feel guilty about loading my problems onto him. Especially since he also suffers from depression - and epilepsy too.

Today I even caught myself counting what the due date would have been. I feel like crying my eyes out. The reasons why I, my psychiatrist as well as my gynaecologist came to the decision - although my gynae thought my boyfriend should be in on the decision too. Now I've just dumped it into his lap. He's going to be SO angry. I still have some of his stuff, and decided to rather just courier it to him instead of taking it to him.

All my pills caution against pregnancy and taking them whilst pregnant. Feel like I'm going nuts over here. The medical aid are even paying for this.

No-one else knows. I just had to get this out.
Thanks for listening.
Answer 373 views

01 Jan 0001

Hi Liza,
I'm pleased you felt able to raise your concerns here. Be more understanding and forgiving towards yourself. You have tried to do the best you could in a difficult situation. The pregnancy wasn't your fault or his, but accidental. You made a decision that seemed to be the best option at the time, and with the advice of your psychiatrist and your gynae --- you could hadly have done more to be responsible and to try to find the best solution.
Personally, I think that abortions should be illegal UNLESS pre and post-abortion counselling is compulsorily included in the process --- it's just too important to be allowed to be neglected. And your psychiatrist, having advised this course of action, ought to be active in counselling and working with your concerns right now.
You did the best you could, except for not telling your bf who did need to know. Now he will find out. Give him a chance to think about this and to decide how he will respond. If he's at all a pleasant guy, he will probably be upset, but forgiving, given time. At least see how he responds over time, rather than assuming what he might say or do. Maybe add a second SMS to say, something like : " sorry for breaking this news by SMS, but I have been scared to talk to you about this. But once you've thought about this, I'll be pleased to talk with you, as I'm feeling terrible about this."

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