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Question

21 Apr 2006

What is the problem
My husband who is 29 years old complains like a man who is 90. Every word that comes out of his mouth is I am tired. I am so sick of hearing that. He never wants to go ou and do fun things with people our age. He would be happy sitting in front of the TV all day every day. He complains about his job every day. The tiniest things piss him off. Last night i was cooking and took frozen pease out of the Freezer and hit it on the tiles too loosen the ice. He shouted at me and toild me i will break the tiles. I mean cummon, thats is something my father or grandmother would say. He never wants to do anything with me, unless our daughter is around. I do get the fact that we have to spend time with her, but i feel we also need to spend time with each other alone. He makes me feel guilty when i want to go out with friends, but when he decides on a Friday afternoon that its drinks with the boys then off he goes without considering me. When i want to go i have to hear we have no money. I know this is lengthy, but i need to know. When i bring work home he has a fit and tells me it is his time. When he brings work home he just works and forget me. We were on the brink of divorce and went for hectic councelling because he was an abusive man and still is a bit of an emotional and verbal abuser. I just dont know what i feel anymore, its like living with my parents always getting told what to do. In councelling he admitted that he does that and now he is still controlling me. Any advise
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Sounds like potentially excess job stress. Has he had a good physical chekcup lately ? Next time he complains, when you bring work home, that it's using "his time" ask him" YOur time -- for what ? " But then you say he is an abuser. COunselling is useless if it simply describves the problem(s) and leaves them in place --- it's supposed to help you solve the problems, and this sounds as though you two stopped too soon. OR maybe your counsellor isn't skilled or experienced enough.
if just one of these various things happened, and you made an enormous issue out of it, THAT would be over-reacting. To the whole combination of things, there's no over-reaction at all.
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