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24 Nov 2004

What kind of a relationship do I have?
I am really confused at the moment and don't know what to do. Yesterday my boyfriends PA gave me his Laptop to give to him because he was out at a meeting and she was going to lock the office when she went home. Lately he has been getting text messages form this girl and he claims that she is only his friend. And he told me that she has been sending him emails. So curiosity got the better of me and I decided to look at his emails on his laptop. I found out that there are emails from this girl dating back from 2002 saying that she loves him and misses him. And the most recent email he got from her is her asking him why he is not replying to any of her emails or texts. So I was happy to find out that he is ignoring her. But I found that he still has all his emails that he has sent to his ex-girlfriend. They broke up in May this year. He broke up with her coz he did not love her. But why does he keep those emails as well as one he has sent to other girls he has been with. I confronted him about it and he got cross saying that I invaded his privacy and I had no right to go through his stuff. He said that he is allowed to have memories of his past. Oh course he can have memories but why keep stuff to remind him? He got so cross about me going through his stuff that he actually grabbed me by the neck and threw me across the room. He then realised what he did and could not stop apologising. I know that I should not have gone through his stuff but was it any reason to hurt me? I am engaged to this guy and going to be his wife one day but how can he keep all stuff from his past? I told him that he would not have been cross if he did not have anything to hide from me. Why does he say he loves me and still hurts me. Why does he keep stuff from his past. When he asked me to move in with him, his ex-girlfriends stuff was still in the house? I don't know what to do!
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Some people keep old love letters, not as a sign of present love, but as a rememberance of what once happened. And you DID seriously invade his privacy ; I'm sure you would be outraged if he had done the equivalent. You hurt him. Of course physical violence is bad, but don't inflate it's importance. Have you given him all your old diaries and correspondence to read ? I'm with $iren and Ms Thang on this one.
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