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01 Aug 2008

what now before counseling?
Hi Doc,

I last wrote to you re feeling rejected by a shrink as he only seemed interested in listening to my husband. My husband has been for 4 sessions which means a month has passed. I don' t mind as, hopefully this shrink is doing a good job in dealing with my husband' s past and helping him cope with his anger.I am feeling low because we would still need to go for marriage counseling, but when?

I am feeling really low today, despite the fact that I THOUGHT I was coping well knowing that my husband is being sorted out. The problem is that I need company, comforting and affection. This I don' t feel that I am getting from my husband. If I ask him to hold me at night time, he will put his arm around my waist, but it does not feel comforting as he is not really holding me  it is merely his hand falling across my waist.

When I talk to him, his eyes will be focused on the TV and I get short, curt answers. Sometimes when I talk to him, he does not even say anything to acknowledge that he had heard me.

I give him advice on some ailment and tell him to go and see a specialist. He does not react at all. Then, a colleague of his tells him about her father whose legs were amputated, and died afterwards, and then suddenly he becomes all ears. This kind of thing often occurs.

I know I have to wait for the counseling, but what do I do in the meanwhile so I do not go out of my mind??? I do believe I deserve better than this. For more than 20 years I have been a good wife, loyal, a good mother and still try to do my best. Surely after all this time I deserve to be treated with respect? Just please tell me what to do for now  how to handle this? Thanks.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Sounds like he's still awfully preoccupied with his own concerns, and not really noticing your needs. Yet. Let's hope its yet, and that there will come a time when this will improve with the counselling. Many people react as you describe in the second paragraph, ignoring advice, however good by someone at home, and taking it seriously when it rarives from someone else. Why do you have to wait for counselling ? No harm in seing a counsellor FOR YOURSELF in the meantime --- I thought it was only joint, marriage counselling that his therapist had postponed ? You do deserve more --- see someone on your own behalf and work on your own feelings and concerns. It may even intrigue your husband, and help him to recognize that he isn't the only person around with some sadness and worries.
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