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15 Nov 2004

What to do now?? Help!!
I love my boyfriend so much, I missed him alot this past week, he is in Durban for Diwali. He now wants to extend his holiday by 4 days more. I don't know how I am going to manage. Missing him made me very moody and emotional. I am crying alot.

He says he cares about me alot but his feelings for me are not the same as I feel for him. He says that when he gets back we need to discuss this and find a positive way forward in this relationship. He wants me to think about how can we move forward in this relationship that would be good for both of us.

I honestly don't know. I love him, and want him to be happy. I am even prepared to give him all my love and not expect any in return from him. But that makes him feel guilty. I don't know what to do. I have never had such strong feelings for anyone else before. My counsellor advised me to just love him and not expect too much in return and just enjoy being in love. I do enjoy it but sometimes it is so bitter-sweet that I just want to cry.

He keeps saying that his feelings is not the same but he is always phoning me. Always wants to see me, when we are together he doesn't want me to leave. I think he is scared of getting to deeply involved again. How do I try to find a way to show him that my love for him is real and true? How do I get him to realise that he truly loves me?
Answer 322 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Suri, maybe you will be able to have a happy and wholesome relationship with this man, but not if you allow him to become so necessary to you that you weep and feel desperate if he adds 4 days to his holiday --- that sounds more like an addiction than a relationship. You have done so well in so many ways, recently, but this seems to be the next priority for you to deal with, and he's right that you need to deal with it.
Otherwise, in the love dept., you're like the swimmer, out of her death, who clings so desperately to the Lifesaver, that she strangles him !! It sounds like he is genuinely fond of you, but fortunately, without that desperate and addictive quality to your curent love for him --- so it's good that his love for you is different from the way you feel about him.
I wonder whether you are able to do what might be needed to show him how much you love him, as that might need you to work on lessening your degree of intensity of love till it's a bit less smothering, less frightening to the average nice guy. Try to enjoy being in Like, as well as in Love.
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