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10 Mar 2004

What Went Wrong!
Hi Doc. Hope you can give me some insight about myself. I know it is almost imposable to do if you don't know me. Perhaps I am posting this just to try and sooth my conscious, hope not, or justify them for that matter.

My life is in a bit (understatement) of a mess .I do feel as if I am on a destructive path and going there fast. Most of it I think is self-destruction as well. I am so frustrated every day in my work. So no job satisfaction there. I am not getting any younger (28) and don't feel my self worth going up as it should. Love life is in a downward spiral. Had great girl then for about 5 years, but didn't know it. We broke up and she got married .I have Been in and out of relationships for 2-3years now. The women I have been with were not all my type. And unfortunately I have been "weak" in some of my decision-making at times when sex aroused. And the final nail in the coffin is I found out that I made the one lady I was seeing pregnant.

So the verdict I ask? I know that this was not my standard of living mentally and emotionally. I don't think I am better than any one but I know what type of person I used to be and when I look at myself in the mirror I get scared, really scared.

I was wondering if the could be the makings of a mid-mid life crisis or did I loose my self-esteem along the way so too myself worth. My morals and upbringing used to be my claim to fame. Feel like I lost so much of myself. Every time I will say to myself that as from now I will try and get myself back on track again (Straight and Narrow). It will go well for a week or two and BAM! same old, same old. Used to have a lot of drive but no surprise now all gone. As a person that does a lot of inward reflection I have to ask ‘What Went Wrong!’ Am I using this as an excuse to make me feel better or for some justification by some of the users here?? Am I trying to blame someone else for my shortcomings? Or might there be some deep seeded issues that happened in my life way back or recent that has me in this state of mind. The way things are going now is not living live it is just surviving it. Wow how’s that for self analyzing. :)

What steps can I take to get me out of this whole I dug for myself. Professional help like seeing a shrink is not on the table yet. A thousand mile journey starts with the first step...step1 now what?

All constructive help welcome. If I get a slap on the wrist it is well deserved I suppose.

Thanks to all and Doc.

(P.S) I am taking responsibility for the baby. Thought I put it in here for good measure.
Answer 392 views

01 Jan 0001

Dear TB,
NObody said that one has to wait until mid-life to have a really good crisis ! Sorry that you so promptly rule out getting expert help --- you're describing so perfectly the sort of situation in which counselling is perfectly desgined to help.
Otherwise --- force yourself to avoid making hasty decisions, so you have time to weight them up in relation to your values and besy interests. And if you want to feel good about yourself, deliberately plan to get involved in activities that will help you to feel proud of yourself --- some charitable / otherwise "helping others" activities are often valuable in this regard.
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