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05 Apr 2006

when is enough enough?
Hi everyone, sorry, I'm just here to vent. Finding myself in a bit of a tight corner. (PLEASE - don't judge me, don't tell me I'm wasting my time, I have a plan, just allow me to vent!)

The meds are working, and I'm feeling good. So good that I'm finding tings aren't bothering me that much..Problems with my bf are just kind of a side issue, I'm handling everything pretty well, I think.

The things that are going on, is just... like an irritating fly that won't go away. Allow me to enlighten you... The couple is still staying with my bf in his house. Both have found jobs, but they're going to stay for another month, or even two. Why, I don't know. My bf is in a tight spot as he doesn't have the heart to 'help them out of the house' if you know what I mean. I don't feel welcome there anymore, and thus never go there anymore. His cousin is coming down from Gauteng for a week.. Another visitor. Yay.
Now bf wants me to visit him tonight to help get the extra room ready etc etc. So I told him I'm sorry but I don't think I'll be staying the whole evening, I'll come around after work to help him, but I won't be staying. He then asked why I haven't been visiting his place so often... so I told him I feel his house is too full, and I'd rather he visit me, at my house. He was highly irritated with me and told me basically to "do what I want".

(Might I add that there was an incident over the weekend.. A group of us went out for dinner, including this couple.. there was an instance after dinner where a few of us weren't at the table, and where the girl staying with him, took his wallet and exchanged some of her money for his - she apparently wanted change - to the shock of the rest of the people, incuding her boyfriend, at the table - she didn't ask, didn't wink - just took my bf's wallet and helped herself. I DON'T EVEN do that without asking him. She also took the liberty of taking his jacket off the back of MY chair - and giving it to him.. like I didn't know it was there, like I wasn't going to give it to him...She's going too far.)

On top of all that, bf's under loads of stress at work, and I think he can pick up that I'm having doubts about our relationship, as things aren't an issue for me as they used to be. When things aren't 100% between us, I used to be the one running around, trying to fix it. Now..........I just let it run its course.
For example, when we are spending time together, and bad friend arrives, I stay for another half and hour, then make up an excuse to leave, and then go.

I think he's sorry that he offered that he's friends can move in... It's causing unecessary stress. And now he can't do anything about it. But I've made a decision to not do the things I don't feel comfortable with anymore. I think that comes as quite a shocker to him.

Anyway. Wish everything negative would dissappear :o)
I'm handling it, just wanted to have a quick chat. Thanks all.
Answer 324 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Vent away ! Pleased to hear that you're settling down on the meds and feeling better.
Just a stray thought, but sometimes without thinking of it, someone like your bf may invite visitors because they will reduce the level of intimacy possible with you. Maybe he felt out of his depth when you were at your worst, and feels safer with others around ?
And whatever else may be relevant about this other woman, she clearly has atrocious bad manners. Maybe you're right, that bf knows he's stuck with these freeloaders, but isn't assertive enough to know how to shift them on ?
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