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19 Mar 2003

When the end is in sight ...
I posted a message on 12 March entitled "Unhappy marriage with baby on the way". I was very impressed with the responses and I thank everyone who offered advice. Today I face another dilemna around the same situation.
My husband told me this morning that for a year now, he's been having an online relationship with another woman who he has come to care for. He has no intention of ending it although he does not expect it to go any further.
I found myself hurt and enraged and decided that I do not need this in my life. I feel I have spent too many years forgiving and hoping. My baby needs me now and that is where I wanto to focus my attention. As painful as it was, I have asked for divorce. I still love him intensely but I also hate him for what he has made of my life. I believe I need to get out of this situation before my baby comes and is also subject to the lack of commitment from this man. There's still a possibility that the baby could change him but I don't know if I should take that chance. He says he can't or won't leave me but I have asked him to leave my house and I'm sure he will eventually give in. I think he believes I will calm down and change my mind - I always did in the past. But I want this time to be different, I want it to be the last.
Am I being selfish or am I doing the right thing here? How long should I hold on before I give up? How much pain should I endure before I end it and move on? How will this affect me and my baby?
Answer 333 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear Anon,
You are not being selfish simply for insisting that you be treated with respect and consideration. What did he expect when he told you about his online love he refuses to end --- a medal ? There's no particular merit in sufering avoidable pain. DOn't you have other sources of support, with whom you can discuss this day-by-day, such as family and close friends ? And why should it be you who changes your mind ? How about him, for a change, changing his mind about his infidelities and lack of committment ?
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